Reframing Children’s Behaviors
We are excited to introduce you to the "Reframing Children's Behavior: A Digital Guide to Cultivate the Heart, Mind, and Will." This comprehensive digital book has been crafted with the utmost care to provide you with valuable strategies for addressing common behavioral challenges in children.
In today's busy world, parenting can be both rewarding and challenging. Children often exhibit behaviors such as pushing, hitting, biting, fears, crying, fussing, whining, making messes, experiencing separation anxiety, being picky eaters, and demonstrating defiance. We understand that navigating these behaviors can be tough, and that's why we've created this digital guide to assist you in fostering the desired behavior in your child.
Our digital guide offers simple and easy-to-follow strategies that are designed to empower you as parents. Inside, you will find expert advice, practical tips, and effective techniques to help you address and reframe these behaviors positively. We believe that understanding and responding to your child's behavior in a supportive way can make a significant difference in their development and overall well-being.
Whether you are a new parent or have years of experience, "Reframing Children's Behavior" is a valuable resource that can enhance your parenting journey. We encourage you to explore the guide and discover the tools you need to create a nurturing and harmonious environment for your child.
Thank you for entrusting us with the opportunity to support you in your parenting journey. We hope that this digital guide becomes a valuable companion on your path to fostering positive behavior in your child.
(Adapted from 2018 Starr Commonwealth)
Behavior- Crying and fussing
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They always seem to want something. They certainly know how to push my buttons. | A child effectively communicates their needs, readily expressing anger, boredom, hunger, or loneliness. |
Behavior: Whining
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They do it to get my attention. They know how to manipulate me to get their way. |
They are attempting to communicate their needs. They demonstrate significant emotional control in the face of frustration and struggle to articulate what is troubling them.
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1. Encourage Expressive Language: When your child starts to whine, prompt them to express their feelings or desires using full sentences and a calm voice. For example, if they start to whine because they want a toy, encourage them to ask for it politely by saying something like, “Could you please say, ‘May I have the toy please?’” This teaches children to communicate effectively and shows them that they are more likely to get a positive response when they ask nicely.
2. Positive Reinforcement: Pay close attention to times when your child asks for something without whining and praise them for their good behavior. For instance, “I really like how you asked for that so nicely!” This positive reinforcement makes children feel good about using their manners and is likely to encourage them to repeat the behavior in the future. It's important to be consistent with this reinforcement so that the child learns the connection between polite asking and positive outcomes.
Behavior: Getting into everithing, making messes
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They consistently go through my belongings and create a mess everywhere | They are genuine explorers who have a deep passion for understanding the inner workings of the world around them. They possess excellent manual dexterity and take great pleasure in exploring and interacting with fascinating objects in their environment. |
2. Engage in Organized Activities: Offer structured activities that can capture the child's attention and reduce the tendency to get into everything. This can include puzzles, building blocks, or age-appropriate craft projects. By participating with the child, parents can model how to use items properly and clean up afterward, turning it into a learning opportunity about organization and responsibility.
Behavior: Protesting Separation
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They lack the ability to spend a brief period alone without parental supervision
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The child is demonstrating affection and a strong bond with you. |
2. Practice Separation: Start with short separations that gradually get longer, depending on the child’s age and readiness. You could start by being away in another room, then leaving them with a caregiver for a short errand, and slowly increasing the time apart. Praise and celebrate the child’s successes in managing separation, even if it’s just for a short period. This practice helps build their confidence and reduces anxiety over time.
Both of these suggestions aim to provide a safe and consistent environment for the child, teaching them that separations are temporary and that their parent or caregiver will return.
Behavior: Picky at mealtime
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They consistently decline to eat anything, and I have concerns about them potentially facing starvation. However, I make an effort to prepare something unique for them every evening. | They are maturing and expressing their viewpoints. |
2. Introduce New Foods Gradually: Make small changes to your child's favorite meals to incorporate new ingredients. For instance, if they enjoy pasta with cheese, add some finely chopped spinach. It's important not to overwhelm them with too many new flavors at once. Pair fresh foods with familiar favorites, and encourage but do not force them to take a bite. Over time, their palate can become more accustomed to different tastes and textures.
Remember, patience and persistence are key. It can take multiple exposures to a new food before a child accepts it. Keep offering new choices alongside familiar foods without pressure, and celebrate their small victories when they try something new.
Behavior: Saying “NO” and testing limits
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They are so Oppositional! | They are gaining independence and attempting to convey that they possess their own thoughts and opinions. |
2. Positive Reinforcement: When your child cooperates or responds without saying "NO," offer positive reinforcement. This can be in the form of verbal praise, a hug, or a small reward. For instance, "I really liked how you listened when I asked you to put your shoes on. Let's read an extra story tonight." This reinforces the behavior you want to see and makes it more likely to occur in the future.
These strategies can be effective in guiding a child toward more cooperative behavior and away from the reflexive use of "NO" and limit testing. It's important to be consistent and patient as children learn and test boundaries as a natural part of their development.
Behavior: Doing things his or her way
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
If I always give in, I will spoil them. Then what? | They are maturing and demonstrating their preference for doing things in their own unique way |
2. Guided Choice-Making: Offer your child guided choices that lead to a desired outcome. Instead of an outright “no” to their method, present alternatives by saying, “I like how you want to do this on your own. Let’s see if there’s another way that might work even better. Would you like to try this way or that way?” This empowers them to make decisions while still steering them toward considering other options.
In both cases, the key is to respect the child's initial impulse but gently guide them toward understanding that there are multiple ways to achieve a goal, and some may be more effective or appropriate than others.
Behavior: Traumatic and other negative behavior such a pushing, hitting or biting
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They have realized that throwing a tantrum is an effective way for them to achieve their desired outcome. | They are informing you that they have lost control and require immediate attention and parental support. |
2. Positive Reinforcement and Alternative Behaviors: Parents can encourage positive behavior by rewarding the child when they handle a situation well. For instance, if a child is frustrated but chooses not to hit, praise them for making a good choice. Additionally, teaching them alternative behaviors is vital. For example, giving them a stress ball to squeeze when they feel the urge to hit can provide a physical outlet for their frustration. Parents can say, "Instead of hitting when you're mad, squeeze this ball as hard as you need to." This provides a tangible action the child can take when feeling overwhelmed.
In both approaches, consistency is critical. Children learn from repetition and clear expectations. By consistently applying these strategies, parents can help their child or children develop healthier ways of dealing with stress and emotions.
Behavior: Not sharing or taking turns
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They possess an abundance of toys, surpassing their ability to fully utilize them, and find it challenging to share even a single one. Their frequent interruptions reflect their desire always to have the final say. | I need to look for innovative strategies to help my children grasp the significance of sharing and recognize the importance of learning to patiently wait for their opportunity to express themselves. |
2. Use Storytelling: Parents can use stories highlighting the benefits of sharing and the joy it brings others. For instance, reading a book about characters who share toys and have a great time playing together can be very influential. After reading, parents can discuss the story with the child, asking questions like, "How do you think Rabbit felt when Bear shared his honey with her?" This helps the child understand the emotional rewards of sharing.
By consistently applying these strategies, children can learn to see sharing and taking turns as positive and rewarding behaviors.
Behavior: Displaying new fears
How you might see it | Another way to look at it! |
They are always anxious about something. I feel like I can't take them anywhere without careful planning to meet their needs | They are beginning to contemplate numerous new ideas or experiences, some of which can be unsettling at times. |
2: Promote Problem-Solving Skills: Teach your child to approach their fears as problems that can be solved. This can involve identifying the fear, coming up with possible solutions, trying them, and evaluating their effectiveness. For example, if a child is afraid of the dark, one solution might be to use a night light. After a few nights, discuss with the child if the night light helped. This process empowers the child to take control of their fears and builds their confidence in handling difficult situations.
Remember, the goal isn't to eliminate fear — which is a natural emotion — but to help the child manage it in a healthy way.