Reframing Children’s Behaviors

We are excited to introduce you to the "Reframing Children's Behavior: A Digital Guide to Cultivate the Heart, Mind, and Will." This comprehensive digital book has been crafted with the utmost care to provide you with valuable strategies for addressing common behavioral challenges in children.

In today's busy world, parenting can be both rewarding and challenging. Children often exhibit behaviors such as pushing, hitting, biting, fears, crying, fussing, whining, making messes, experiencing separation anxiety, being picky eaters, and demonstrating defiance. We understand that navigating these behaviors can be tough, and that's why we've created this digital guide to assist you in fostering the desired behavior in your child.

Our digital guide offers simple and easy-to-follow strategies that are designed to empower you as parents. Inside, you will find expert advice, practical tips, and effective techniques to help you address and reframe these behaviors positively. We believe that understanding and responding to your child's behavior in a supportive way can make a significant difference in their development and overall well-being.

Whether you are a new parent or have years of experience, "Reframing Children's Behavior" is a valuable resource that can enhance your parenting journey. We encourage you to explore the guide and discover the tools you need to create a nurturing and harmonious environment for your child.

Thank you for entrusting us with the opportunity to support you in your parenting journey. We hope that this digital guide becomes a valuable companion on your path to fostering positive behavior in your child.

(Adapted from 2018 Starr Commonwealth)

Behavior- Crying and fussing

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They always seem to want something. They certainly know how to push my buttons.	A child effectively communicates their needs, readily expressing anger, boredom, hunger, or loneliness.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child:

1. Distraction and Engagement: When children start to fuss or cry, it can often be a sign that they need more stimulation or are experiencing discomfort. Parents can engage with the child by introducing a new activity or toy that will capture their attention and interest. For example, playing a fun game, reading a book together, or even going outside for a walk can provide a change of scenery and mood. The key is redirecting the child's focus to something positive and engaging.

2. Emotional Coaching: Sometimes, children cry or fuss because they are overwhelmed by their emotions and do not yet have the words to express their feelings. Parents can help by calmly acknowledging the child's feelings and helping them to label their emotions. For example, saying, "It seems like you're feeling upset because you can't have the toy right now," validates their feelings and helps them understand and manage their emotions. By doing this consistently, children can learn to express themselves more clearly and may cry less as a result.

These approaches can be adapted based on the child's age and the specific situation, and it's important for parents to remain patient and consistent.

Behavior: Whining

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They do it to get my attention. They know how to manipulate me to get their way.	They are attempting to communicate their needs. They demonstrate significant emotional control in the face of frustration and struggle to articulate what is troubling them.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child:

1. Encourage Expressive Language: When your child starts to whine, prompt them to express their feelings or desires using full sentences and a calm voice. For example, if they start to whine because they want a toy, encourage them to ask for it politely by saying something like, “Could you please say, ‘May I have the toy please?’” This teaches children to communicate effectively and shows them that they are more likely to get a positive response when they ask nicely.

2. Positive Reinforcement: Pay close attention to times when your child asks for something without whining and praise them for their good behavior. For instance, “I really like how you asked for that so nicely!” This positive reinforcement makes children feel good about using their manners and is likely to encourage them to repeat the behavior in the future. It's important to be consistent with this reinforcement so that the child learns the connection between polite asking and positive outcomes.

Behavior: Getting into everithing, making messes

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They consistently go through my belongings and create a mess everywhere	They are genuine explorers who have a deep passion for understanding the inner workings of the world around them. They possess excellent manual dexterity and take great pleasure in exploring and interacting with fascinating objects in their environment.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child:

1. Create a Dedicated Play Space: Parents can designate a specific area in the house as a 'play zone' where the child is allowed to explore and play freely. This area should be child-proofed and filled with toys and materials that are safe and appropriate for the child's age. Encourage the child to keep their activities within this space, and gently guide them back when they wander.

2. Engage in Organized Activities: Offer structured activities that can capture the child's attention and reduce the tendency to get into everything. This can include puzzles, building blocks, or age-appropriate craft projects. By participating with the child, parents can model how to use items properly and clean up afterward, turning it into a learning opportunity about organization and responsibility.

Behavior: Protesting Separation

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They lack the ability to spend a brief period alone without parental supervision	The child is demonstrating affection and a strong bond with you.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child:

1. Establish a Goodbye Ritual: Create a consistent and positive goodbye routine that can become a predictable part of the child’s day. This could be a special handshake, a goodbye song, or a warm hug followed by a reassuring statement like, “I’ll be back after lunch to pick you up.” Rituals like these can provide comfort and a sense of stability to the child.

2. Practice Separation: Start with short separations that gradually get longer, depending on the child’s age and readiness. You could start by being away in another room, then leaving them with a caregiver for a short errand, and slowly increasing the time apart. Praise and celebrate the child’s successes in managing separation, even if it’s just for a short period. This practice helps build their confidence and reduces anxiety over time.
Both of these suggestions aim to provide a safe and consistent environment for the child, teaching them that separations are temporary and that their parent or caregiver will return.

Behavior: Picky at mealtime

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They consistently decline to eat anything, and I have concerns about them potentially facing starvation. However, I make an effort to prepare something unique for them every evening.	They are maturing and expressing their viewpoints.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child:

1. Involve Them in Meal Planning and Preparation: Encourage your child to be part of the meal planning process. Take them grocery shopping and let them pick out fruits and vegetables. At home, involve them in meal preparation according to their age and abilities. This could be as simple as washing vegetables, stirring a mixture, or setting the table. The key is to make them feel invested in the meal, which can increase their willingness to try new foods.

2. Introduce New Foods Gradually: Make small changes to your child's favorite meals to incorporate new ingredients. For instance, if they enjoy pasta with cheese, add some finely chopped spinach. It's important not to overwhelm them with too many new flavors at once. Pair fresh foods with familiar favorites, and encourage but do not force them to take a bite. Over time, their palate can become more accustomed to different tastes and textures.
Remember, patience and persistence are key. It can take multiple exposures to a new food before a child accepts it. Keep offering new choices alongside familiar foods without pressure, and celebrate their small victories when they try something new.

Behavior: Saying “NO” and testing limits

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They are so Oppositional!	They are gaining independence and attempting to convey that they possess their own thoughts and opinions.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child:

1. Offer Limited Choices: Instead of giving commands that can be met with a "NO," provide your child with limited choices that still achieve your goal. For example, if it's time to clean up toys, ask, "Would you like to put the blocks away first or the dolls?" This gives the child a sense of control and agency, reducing the impulse to say "NO" and resist.

2. Positive Reinforcement: When your child cooperates or responds without saying "NO," offer positive reinforcement. This can be in the form of verbal praise, a hug, or a small reward. For instance, "I really liked how you listened when I asked you to put your shoes on. Let's read an extra story tonight." This reinforces the behavior you want to see and makes it more likely to occur in the future.

These strategies can be effective in guiding a child toward more cooperative behavior and away from the reflexive use of "NO" and limit testing. It's important to be consistent and patient as children learn and test boundaries as a natural part of their development.

Behavior: Doing things his or her way

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
If I always give in, I will spoil them. Then what?	They are maturing and demonstrating their preference for doing things in their own unique way

Suggestions to Assist Your Child:

1. Collaborative Problem-Solving: Encourage your child to view a situation from different angles by engaging in collaborative problem-solving. When they insist on doing things their way, introduce the concept of brainstorming together. Say, “Let’s think about all the different ways we could do this.” By making them feel like part of a team, you guide them to see the value in others' perspectives and the potential benefits of varied approaches.

2. Guided Choice-Making: Offer your child guided choices that lead to a desired outcome. Instead of an outright “no” to their method, present alternatives by saying, “I like how you want to do this on your own. Let’s see if there’s another way that might work even better. Would you like to try this way or that way?” This empowers them to make decisions while still steering them toward considering other options.

In both cases, the key is to respect the child's initial impulse but gently guide them toward understanding that there are multiple ways to achieve a goal, and some may be more effective or appropriate than others.

Behavior: Traumatic and other negative behavior such a pushing, hitting or biting

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They have realized that throwing a tantrum is an effective way for them to achieve their desired outcome.	They are informing you that they have lost control and require immediate attention and parental support.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child

1. Emotional Coaching and Communication: Whenever a child engages in negative behavior, it's essential to acknowledge their feelings and help them express themselves more appropriately. Parents can reach the child's eye level and say, "I see you're upset. It's okay to feel angry, but it's not okay to hit. Let's use our words to explain what's wrong." This approach validates the child's emotions while also setting boundaries for behavior. Over time, this can help the child learn to identify and communicate their feelings without resorting to aggression.

2. Positive Reinforcement and Alternative Behaviors: Parents can encourage positive behavior by rewarding the child when they handle a situation well. For instance, if a child is frustrated but chooses not to hit, praise them for making a good choice. Additionally, teaching them alternative behaviors is vital. For example, giving them a stress ball to squeeze when they feel the urge to hit can provide a physical outlet for their frustration. Parents can say, "Instead of hitting when you're mad, squeeze this ball as hard as you need to." This provides a tangible action the child can take when feeling overwhelmed.

In both approaches, consistency is critical. Children learn from repetition and clear expectations. By consistently applying these strategies, parents can help their child or children develop healthier ways of dealing with stress and emotions.

Behavior: Not sharing or taking turns

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They possess an abundance of toys, surpassing their ability to fully utilize them, and find it challenging to share even a single one. Their frequent interruptions reflect their desire always to have the final say.	I need to look for innovative strategies to help my children grasp the significance of sharing and recognize the importance of learning to patiently wait for their opportunity to express themselves.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child

1. Model Sharing Behavior: Children learn a lot by imitation, so it's essential for parents to model the behavior they want to see. Parents can demonstrate sharing in everyday activities, like offering a piece of fruit to the child and then taking a portion for themselves, explaining, "Your turn, now my turn." This can extend to playing games that involve sharing and waiting for turns, narrating the actions to reinforce the concept.

2. Use Storytelling: Parents can use stories highlighting the benefits of sharing and the joy it brings others. For instance, reading a book about characters who share toys and have a great time playing together can be very influential. After reading, parents can discuss the story with the child, asking questions like, "How do you think Rabbit felt when Bear shared his honey with her?" This helps the child understand the emotional rewards of sharing.

By consistently applying these strategies, children can learn to see sharing and taking turns as positive and rewarding behaviors.

Behavior: Displaying new fears

How you might see it	Another way to look at it!
They are always anxious about something. I feel like I can't take them anywhere without careful planning to meet their needs	They are beginning to contemplate numerous new ideas or experiences, some of which can be unsettling at times.

Suggestions to Assist Your Child:

1. Encourage Expression and Validate Feelings: Create a safe space for your child to express their fears without judgment. Encourage them to talk about what they fear and why they think they feel this way. Validation is key — let them know that it's okay to be scared and that you understand their feelings are real. This can reduce the intensity of the fear and can help the child feel supported and heard.

2: Promote Problem-Solving Skills: Teach your child to approach their fears as problems that can be solved. This can involve identifying the fear, coming up with possible solutions, trying them, and evaluating their effectiveness. For example, if a child is afraid of the dark, one solution might be to use a night light. After a few nights, discuss with the child if the night light helped. This process empowers the child to take control of their fears and builds their confidence in handling difficult situations.

Remember, the goal isn't to eliminate fear — which is a natural emotion — but to help the child manage it in a healthy way.